


White Shadows

by NerudaSwing



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Disability, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mind Rape, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-07 07:33:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 24
Words: 9,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1890387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerudaSwing/pseuds/NerudaSwing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal meets Will while he´s with Alana. Hannibal gets excited when he sees that his lamb does not answer to his calling.Twist ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

“Shit!” Jack was surprised when he saw it. When he saw the body of Marcus Reefer, engineer of 35 years old.  
“Why do you think that he was killed, Hannibal?” he was dismayed when he remembered that corpse at my office. Jack might be my boss, but he always believes that I have all the answers.  
Today, probably, yes.  
“I don´t know, Jack, I guess that he was a bad person, this Marcus” His eyes are open wide. “How´s that? You mean, that now the assassins are ruled by morals? Ethics?”  
“And when did they stop being ruled by it?”  
I won again that time. I won at the murder and with that discussion with my boss.  
Jack is a good man, truly. Since I work at the department of psychology and psychiatry in the police, Jack hasn´t talked back or being bad at me. He just does his work. Whenever I see him, he´s confident and worried about everyone´s health. He´s a gentleman with the ladies and he uses his height and charisma to do it.  
He does not deserve to die so early. Not like Marcus. That dolt.  
“Excuse me, What time is it?” I ask softly to the chubby stranger beside me, he has an afro.  
“What do you care? We´re going to die anyway”  
That´s right.  
That´s why your body is like it is now. Naked stained in blood dangling from a tree´s branch into the deep of the cold woods.  
Without intestines.  
Without a beating heart.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will´s life.

“You learn quickly, Will” The professor says to me. I smile and keep playing the piano. The piano reminds me of my grandmother, My grandma taught me how to play it with patience. She taught me how to play many symphonies and to admire Wagner.  
I´ve been 5 years here. Polishing my techniques, for many reasons, to distract myself, to become part of a symphony orchestra and to remember my grandmother.  
My professor is called Salvador, he was born in Belize, but he moved in to Germany because of money issues and thanks to Alana.  
And who´s Alana? She´s my best friend, but above all, she´s my girlfriend. She is a flute player and she´s very sweet with me. Always taking care of every detail, with brown hair and merely waved, with playful eyes and with a white, white skin. She loves birds.  
Alana is very talented and she was the first person that I met when I came to this school. She was apprehensive and bright. I love that about her, she does not bore me.  
“Will, this is Salvador, he will be your professor” and she points at a blond guy with dark brown eyes.  
“Nice to meet you, Will” he smiles at me and shakes hands with me.  
I could say they are my only friends, because they are.  
Salvador gave me the piano saloon. “Use it as you please” he assured.  
And there I confess everything I think to the piano. To my deceased and pretty grandma. I am happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang on, they "meet" each other in the next chapter


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They see, but they can´t feel.

Life has been like this many years. Nobody gets to know who The Ripper is. The Chesapeake Ripper. There are copycats, always. Very bad, indeed. They don´t last long after they commit the crime, seriously, they are found in matter of days. Scared and confused, with no idea where to go.

That´s why I don´t share my secrets. A good magician never reveals his secrets, does he?

I´m doing fine. I live in Berlin since 20 years ago. Alone. Thanks to Nazis.  
But God knows why he does things the way they are, so, that´s why he brings me peace in this way, giving me permission to clean the earth.

People are divine. And I find myself comfortable with divinity´s guts.

“Dr. Lecter?” Jack´s voice makes sound through the wooden door of my office.  
“Come in, Jack”  
His steps are strong and determined until he reaches to my big desk.  
“How can I help you, Jack?”

“I´m tired. I´m tired of this bastard. Someday we´ll catch him, but, really, I wanna rest” he says exhausted and sitting down on a chair, in front of me.  
“You should take a break, don´t you think so?”  
“No. And let him go? Never”  
“Well, if you don´t, he will rip you apart, starting with your sanity

“That´s true, but you? Don´t you want a break?”  
“No, Jack, thanks”  
“No, don´t say another word, I´ll give you a free week, maybe, if you relax yourself a little bit, you´ll come with more ideas of who the Ripper is?”  
I know that fighting with Jack has no sense, so I ended up accepting his offer.

I wait until 7 o´clock to go out of my office, and there, in the streets, I think I what I´m making for dinner, what new lie I will make, how I will kill again out of my profession as psychiatrist without knowing what they´re saying indoors in the police station.

Decisions.  
Decisions.

I walk down the street grabbing my black suitcase tightly and I try not to crash with anyone. I´m tired, how much wouldn´t I give for Chopin, Verdi, Mozart, Vivaldi or Nine Inch Nails? God.

And God listened to me.

Down street, a glass window was showing a young man playing the piano. He was alone. But extremely calm. His profile was exposed, his soft eyes, his gray sweater and black jeans were by his black shoes. I can´t smell him, but the door is ajar and lets me listen to a Wagner´s piece. The most funny and beautiful: “Walkürenritt”. So young and gifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Chesapeake is in Virginia, but I wanted to stick with the original name. Sorry if this is troublesome for some of you.


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will´s life.

My life is ruled by music since I remember. First, my grandma Helen in the United States; I would go to her house every holiday with my mom, I would feel lonely and she would teach me to make loneliness company with the piano, and like that, the loneliness would dance with us in the room.   
My grandfather would tell me his stories about war and told me my grandmother, or the “little Helen” how he called her, learned how to play the piano.

And, of course, my mom, Carol, hell of a cooker and very charming, even still having no husband to trust, because, he would leave her after the moment he found out that she was pregnant. I have no brothers, but I do have 2 cats: Clara and Christian.  
How I hated those bastards (the cats), I´ve always felt more comfortable with dogs, but my mother was the one that made the rules.

That would be my childhood, travelling from Berlin to Minnesota. From our home to Cirio and Helen´s. Those would be my afternoons alone, now I draw that into Salvador´s piano.  
I´ll always be grateful to Salvador.

“Do you want a place to relax? Use the studio whenever you like, Will”  
Trust to a stranger. Well, we met all these years, but his trust in me, amazes me sometimes.  
I play Wagner, then.

To feel content with myself.

The piano salon is alienated, with wooden floors and white walls. Facing the street through the fourth wall, that glass door has a door to anyone that wants to see. Speaking of that, didn´t I leave the door ajar to go home at once?  
I turn around and see a standing man, he´s tall, he´s like 30 or something like that, with a brown coat, black pants, with short and straight light brown hair, but I can´t see his shoes. Just his suitcase.

He´s there.

Staring at me with his dark eyes, with his expecting face and with sharp cheekbones.  
He doesn´t smile.

He just looks at me.

I had just stopped playing with Wagner already, but my fingers froze on the piano keys.  
Christ, what´s wrong with him?

We look at each other for a good while, I stand up from my chair, but he leaves.


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana?

“When did you start to enjoy it?” Asked my psychologist, softly.  
“When I realized that I was helping doing it” I answered her as I looked to the ceramic floor.

“To whom, Hannibal?” She followed, but more seriously.  
“To---“ But the acid tone of the cellphone of my friend interrupts atrociously.  
“I´m sorry, Hannibal, but I have to get it” She says embarrassed and worried.  
“Don´t worry, really, it´s not your fault, take your time” She really needs it.  
“Thanks, and excuse me”

While I walk towards my job, I think about it, when did I start to enjoy eating human flesh?  
I know why I started.

It was because of them.

The stupid ones and dolts that made me eat… her.  
My sister.   
She didn´t have the notion of what carries the guilt.

But they are already dead. Due to their ignorance. Due to a greater evil.

I make it to the lobby of the building; I salute the doorman, the receptionist, my neighbor, his daughter, his dog, to…  
Everyone.

One has to have manner with one´s food, isn´t?

When I´ve used the elevator, I think about what I have to focus now.  
How will I plan the next case?  
Which book will I start to read?  
What should I draw?  
What---  
“Excuse me” Says a young lady. I already know her, but I have to react, have to let my neighbor step into the elevator.  
“Don´t worry” I smile at her.  
“It´s just that you seemed busy, Mr. Lecter” She says a bit worried.

“It wasn´t so important, have a good evening, Alana”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! They really help me! Any comment will be reponded, so, ask something if you like!


	6. VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Salvador... a friend or an enemy?

“Will, and didn´t you call? Did you not feel menace when you saw him?” She says upset.  
I deny it with my head and keep playing the piano.  
Why should I do that?

It´s sure that it was just a curious guy.

“I will tell Salvador” She´s about to get up, but I grab her arm, and her red skirt twists in the wind while her black heeled shoes turn around, I look up, I see her. Her white headband glows.  
“He has to know, Will. That man could have harmed you. And even though, I didn´t see him, his attitude, and by the way you described him, seems to be suspicious. Do you, still, plan to stay tonight?” She says surprised at the beginning due to my crude gesture, but then, she calms down.

I agree. I turn my back and play again “La donna e mobile”   
I might love Alana very much, but she worries too much sometimes.   
I mean, this man wasn´t going to hurt me, he was just fooling around; and if Salvador finds out, maybe, she wouldn´t let me use the studio or he wouldn´t leave me alone.  
I know how to defend myself.   
Life has taken too many rights away from me, but my pride isn´t the case.

Alana has left with Salvador. It´s 7:30 of the evening, as the talkative clock of that wall has told me.  
At 8 o´clock I will leave, I have to feed my three dogs.  
Has Tom taken away Thor´s food? Or Thor has eaten all Sam´s food?  
Who knows? They´re just dogs.

When “Kathy´s Waltz” is half played, I allow myself to think about something that has me intrigued:  
Is Alana cheating on me with Salvador?  
I mean, I say it because:  
He´s taller and handsome than me, he play the saxophone and bongos extraordinarily, he likes the same music as Alana, and, well, they always leave together.  
It seems stupid, I know.

But, I don´t know, she talks a lot about him.  
She says that he´s a very good man.  
She says that he tells very good jokes.

And she always laughs before she continues.  
So much… That she stops.  
So much… That she stops.

Alana doesn´t mind a lot of my flaws.  
I´m quiet. I´m quite passionate. I´m atheist.  
I´m confident. I´m fearful. I´m ashamed.

And how do I know that?  
She tells me.  
She tells me.  
She writes it down in the air.  
Without holding it back.   
With such honesty that injects me trembles just to hear it.

Not for the fact that they were flaws.  
Just for the fact that most of them… Weren´t.

But it´s getting late. I stop playing “The four stations”.  
I blink a couple of times. My hands close the piano. I get up. I notice something.   
I´m not crying anymore. Alana isn´t torturing me anymore. I´ve got used to it.

But not to the man that is standing out there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "La donna e mobile" is from Luciano Pavarotti.


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will grows tired.

Why do you stop?  
It´s Vivaldi. But you already know that.  
Even though, you stand up. You rise. And you´re done.  
You hold my gaze.

The white color that comes from the studios seems to embrace you. And makes vibrate the brown one from your hair.  
But why do I talk about “you”?  
I don´t know you.

So I stop knowing you.

The young one opens and closes his lips several times. Not talking, just unsure of keep trying.  
He knows the same thing as me.

Nothing.

We don´t move. We contemplate the static stupidity of both of us. Oxygen is being shared.  
The boy blinks 2 times more and goes towards the door with determined steps.

How he changed.

He opens the door wide with and obstinate force.   
And he looks at me.

He´s smaller than I thought and this time I discover many things.  
His smell of rusty crying.  
His smell of wood and citrus of his cologne.  
The rushed sweat of his body.

I get to see the color of his eyes. They are---  
He makes a gesture for me to get in. Interrupting what I think.  
And I come in.

I can´t be afraid of him. Not of him. Not of a lamb.  
I hear the door close. Everything is outside now.  
Everything seems to be outside now.

The place, itself, is magical.  
The white color hugs me too.  
I see a clock with black numbers. With a red frame and white background.  
I see and interior door closed. Wooden door.

He presses my shoulder with his index finger and makes me turn around.  
His green t-shirt raises a sleeve and points a slender wooden chair at me. My suitcase sleeps on my lap.   
He gives me his back. And he starts to play.

Isn´t he afraid? Can´t he see I´m a stranger?

I can imagine that he´s sick of my visits.

When “Tangerine” goes to its end. I speak:  
“What´s your name?” And that resonates into the entire room.  
But the piano keys stop suddenly. He turns back suddenly onto the little chair that he´s sitting on. 

His blue eyes look at me and he denies me with his head.

And I could say without nothing to hold me back, that, that was the first time that a lamb didn´t talk to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Tangerine” is a song by Dave Brubeck, just as “Kathy´s Waltz”


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I hope you don´t mind,  
> I hope you don´t mind,  
> that I put down in words,  
> how wonderful life is,  
> while you´re in the world"
> 
> Elton John-Your Song

He´s more quirky than I thought.  
His voice is more deeper than Salvador´s or than any other man I´ve ever heard.  
And to think that, I haven´t met him yet, I´ve invited him to take a closer look inside.  
I hope Alana´s wrong.  
I hope.

When he asks my name, I don´t know what to do. I think about it. And I stop playing the piano. I turn back to see him.  
But nothing comes out from my mind.   
How to express it to him?  
I have no paper to write.  
And I´m very certain that he doesn´t speak with signs.  
So, in the moment I say “no” with my head, he just nods.

“I´ll ask you simple questions, in which you could nod or deny don´t you agree?” He says calm.

But, who does he think he is? I nod, but, hell, what nerves. I can´t dare to turn my back at him.

“Well, to begin with, my name is Hannibal. I know that you´re sick that, until now, I´ve met you in such absurd way, and is just that, I haven´t seen neither a pianist playing in person nor a very young person playing it. If you like, at the end, I´ll ask you if you want to see me again, but, let´s begin. Are you alone?”  
I deny it. I don´t want him to think that I´m alone.  
“That person is behind that door, isn´t?”  
I nod.  
“I´ll talk lower then, to not disturb that person. Do you play only piano?”

I nod.  
“Do you play it every day?”  
Nod.  
“Are you uncomfortable?” All these questions are being done with a great calm.  
I nod. I decide not to lie to him.  
“I imagined. Now, do you want to ask the questions, don´t you?” He says with grace.  
I nod fervently. So, he opens his suitcase and takes out some sheets and a pen. He stands uo. He delivers them to me.  
“Do you want me to sit down?” I agree.  
When he merely sits, I´ve written: “What do you want?”

Crossing his legs “To know you”  
I use another sheet “Why?”   
“Because you´ve got my attention” He says simply. What a weirdo.  
“In what do you work?” Ask the other sheet.  
“I´m a psychiatrist in the police station, and you?”  
I turn around to write down “I work here, I sell instruments”  
“I should´ve guessed, but listen, tell me your name, I´ve already told you mine” And what if that name is fake?  
But I decide to not lie to him.   
“Will” The paper answers to him.

“Will, I know that you question me for bursting out like this today, again, but the truth is that I didn´t know how to start a good conversation being you so concentrated, I´m truly sorry” He says very seriously, but his intentions are brought out.  
I show him that I don´t mind. An excited psychiatrist that is fond of music. I´ve never heard of something like that. Really. They always have seemed to me, people dedicated only to their jobs they wouldn´t have the time to---

“Excuse me, Will, could you play a specific song?” He says casually.  
I nod.  
“Have you heard of Ray Charles?”  
Of course, who hasn´t?  
“Maybe it will be seem strange this favor, but, could you play “Hit the road, Jack”?”  
I agree and smile. That song makes me laugh. What a good way to break up the tension. I give him my back, I try to remember. I write down and I show him the thing written:  
“I´m sorry, but give me a moment, it´s just that I don´t remember how it begins”  
What a shame. He sure thought that I was a master in these things.  
“Begin wherever you like” He ends up professionally, clean.  
And when the song is over. I turn back to hear the claps. He liked it very much. I know. I know all the claps.  
“Very well, Will” He says smiling.  
I nod smiling. Honestly, I believe that if he was a killer or a lunatic, I would have had all the piano keys shoved down my throat, or I don´t know, something like that. I relax.

I play the paper of his jukebox for 4 songs more. But it´s getting late. Thor might have eaten Tom already.  
We exchange farewells, but in my case, my excuses. And before closing totally the studio, he offers me:  
“Do I take you home?” He says keenly. But I turn down his good offer.  
“Well, it was a true pleasure, Will. Do you want me to come back?” He kept his promise. He really, did ask.  
“Whenever you want” I write on my cellphone.  
“Will, we´ll find each other soon. Auf wiedersehen” He says grinning, he turns around and keeps his way.

What one finds on the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for the kudos!
> 
> Hit the road- Ray Charles


	9. IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal has keen senses... Maybe too keen...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please! Mind the tags! Remember the fictional characters, I know Jack´s wife story and all, but I took the liberty of bending it (even her name). Remember, any doubt will be answered!

“Don´t, Hannibal, don´t” Said Jack to me.  
“But, if it´s like that, Jack, she has to know” I try not to laugh, because that would not be professional.  
“That would gave her a heart attack; she still believes that I´m with Francia”  
“If you say it softly to her, maybe she´ll understand. Having a terminal disease like aids, has to be something that shouldn´t be facing alone. Go back your mother´s arms, Jack. She has to know” I say arranging some papers on my desk.  
Jack makes silence for a while. He knows that this isn´t a session, that´s why, I´m allowed to take care of my own matters. Jack does know, that even so, I´ll try to advise him well. It´s my duty after all.

“I should never do it. I should never sleep with my cousin Anya” He says looking down at the ceramic coming from the floor.  
“Well, you´re right this time” I said, at last, looking at his eyes.  
For real, I never thought that Jack could be so impulsive to get aids; I knew that Jack had a while without touching Francia, he had told me that on a session.  
But, now, God´s being a show-off.  
Being a show-off with the surprises and pain he inflicts on others.  
I think that God was the one that gave Eva the apple.  
I think that Gods grieves on Sundays.  
I think that God was the one that invented the cross, for it was the bed of Jesus that not so passionate week.  
I think.  
I think.

Jack has already gone. He left me tired. Poor man. I pick up my things to go. After Jack left, I had to listen to another patients.  
Nothing new, I try to believe, but I know.  
My fourth patient left me speechless and flattered.

I ate her father.

I try not to think about that while I cross 2 blocks left, and the evening left.  
I seek for Will, and this time is another person inside. It´s a man playing the saxophone.

And Will?  
And Will?!  
He should be here today.

But it´s late now. The man has opened the door:  
“What can I do for you?” He says irked.  
“And Will?” I ask without thinking first. I sound desperate.

“Will? That kid is far away. Who are you? How do you know him?”  
“I´m Hannibal, a Will´s friend”  
“Well, he must be at home, sir” And a woman comes out from the inside door.  
She comes closer.  
She´s tousled hair.  
She´s Alana.


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I´ts true, he saw it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will is so unsure. Someone please help him!

The park, 6 of the afternoon. Children play. The grass laughs. Birds sleep. Flower´s petals are kissing each other. Humidity comes with the wind.  
And Alana too.  
Her dark hair is a brush that paints this day, it describes me the sun and lets me admire it´s glow.  
Light runs away from the clouds to light up our feet, to remind me that this is real.  
That she´s here, that she´s holding my hand.  
That she´s loving me.

“Will… Thank you. Thank you for this day, thank you for everything” She smiles and I forget.  
I forget the bad.  
I find Nirvana.  
I smile and I kiss her cheek. Thanks to her, this month has being very entertaining.  
I buy her an ice cream. I don´t want one. I want a chocolate, but there´s any.  
When I go to buy ice cream for her, someone calls her to her cellphone. She picks it up, she goes farther away and turns around.   
It must be her mother.  
It must be her cousin.  
It must be a friend.  
It must be an aunt.  
It must not be Salvador.

I know it.  
I know it.

I notice her laugh and her whispers.  
When I come back with the ice cream, she shut the cellphone down and kisses me desperately on the mouth. With a fatuous and strong force.  
I take her home at 9.  
I come to my house at 9:40. And when I undress myself to take a bath, someone calls at my phone.

It was Hannibal.

“Will… I saw it all”


	11. XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is a memory.
> 
> By the way, I know that Alanas is Alana Bloom, but I´ve decided to change her last name, because I´m the writer, period xD

“Do you have a family?” I ask him the fifth time I see him.

He writes: “Yes, but I live in Germany with my girlfriend Alana” He raises the sheet, proud and happy.  
“Wait a second, Alana Laguna?”  
And there is when Will´s hair flips back and forth with joy and youth. He must love her so much.

“It´s just that she´s my neighbor. She´s always laughing” We both laugh that instant.  
“Here” I slide my business card at him.  
“Call me whenever you need something” And I notice that he sees it for a good while, but he´s so introverted that I don´t know if he will.  
Will nods and looks at me.

“Do you want me to sit back?”  
Will nods again, smiles and plays Bach.  
I think about my last murder.  
How he suffered. How he cried. His taste. And the mozzarella cheese at the end of every bite.  
When I will tell Will the truth?

I don´t even know.

Will stops playing the piano. He turns around. And writes down:   
“Are you going to come back every Thursday?” He blinks slowly.

“When do you want me to come back? When do you come to play here?” I cross my other leg.

He writes for a minute: “Come back every Thursday, those are my days”

“Are you sure?” I inquire quickly.  
“I´m tired of suffering alone by now” He tells me in another sheet.  
I smile softly and nod.  
His dark green sweater ends: “Thanks Hannibal, for real”

That was 5 months ago.


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days after Will´s date with Alana.

“I know, Hannibal, I know” I write at him.  
“Since when?” He tries to calm me down.  
“Since always! He´s older than me” How many sheets of paper have I used to talk to Hannibal? How many reams of paper? No even with Alana I´ve used that much.  
“But, William, calm down. You don´t even know it yet, maybe Salvador is the only friend that Alana has, haven´t that crossed your mind?

I breathe deeply, because I know the answer.

“No, Hannibal. She´s the friendliest person I know. She´s more tender with him than with me, not even with her sister” The paper is so used that it almost tears.  
“Then, why don´t you have a chat with her?” He says freshly.  
“Because I already know the answer” I write without patience.  
“God, Will, you´re doing so bad to yourself. Do you want to talk about the subject? Do you want to go deeper into it?”  
“What I want is to play the piano, but I can´t” I show my broken arm at him.

“Hahahaha, I get it, I get it” He looks at the ceiling drinking up his coffee.

We pay the bill and got out the coffee shop. We walk out. The door hits me when I get out. Damned revolving doors. I hear Hannibal´s laughter.  
“I see why you´ve got that arm broken. If you keep going on like that, you´ll break the other one” He picks up my glasses from the floor. Thanks.

I write down in my cellphone walking down the street: “Remember that I was hit by a car” I write at him grabbing my glasses from his hand.  
“Who would be so miserable to do that to you, my friend?”

I don´t know.


	13. XIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you remember the last time that Will answered that call from Hannibal?  
> Do you remember Hannibal´s patient?
> 
> Good to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos, and keeping me company in this journey, really, thanks.

“You were right. Alana is cheating on you wit Salvador”  
Will.  
“I know that you can´t answer, but please, hit the phone against something, to know that you´re listening” I say to the phone.  
A sound is heard at the other side of the line.  
“I saw her”  
“I see you tomorrow, Will”

I´m going to eat Alana. No.  
No.

“So, doctor, that´s how my father died” Cecilia says closing and opening her eyes fighting her tears back against the big couch.  
“What was the thing that shocked you the most?” I ask watching her closed legs.

“The fact that a portion of his left cheek was missing, doctor. Why tearing his internal organs apart, to make emphasis on that cheek?” She says with her eyes closed fighting against the air.

Seriously. Who would ask just that? If I had known that his daughter was this insistent in this sessions, I wouldn´t have killed him.  
Really, what a drag.  
It wouldn´t had mattered how indecent Marcus were.  
I´m not going to deny it, I ate like a king that evening.

“It hurts, doctor” She says weeping softly looking at the roof.  
“What, Cecilia?”

“My cheek hurts”


	14. XIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will dreams.

Alana laughs. Her dark locks cover her face. Her hands are painted with blue. She takes my hand. She guides me forwards. The environment is white and empty, but the mist is gray. Her laughter is heard, but I can´t see her face. What is she doing?

Alana always explains it all. She feels the need to do it. This time, she doesn´t. She´s close, but even still, she´s distant, she does not want to tell me. I don´t have the time to hear what I think. She seems happy.

When we arrive, I can´t believe it. It´s me. I´m blue. I´m a statue. Alana made it. She turns around, she looks at me and whispers: “Do you like it?”  
When 5 second have passed I´m on the floor. Her hairs eclipsing my forehead, her kisses covering my whimpers, her hands put mine into my hair.  
A couple of minutes ran, and her kisses stung me, literaly, they are burning me away, I push her away, but she laughs pushing me back against the floor.

Alana is turning white, and her mane, red. She melts. But she keeps kissing me. . She´s the wick, I´m the wax. My lips hurt. They burn.

I cry and struggle. Alana grips me like a stone.

She burns me away.  
She burns me away.

I wake up. My broken arm is disturbing me. I look at the clock. Tom licks his feet, Thor sleeps and Sam pees on the corner.

It´s horrible to sleep like that. I´m late for work.  
Since Hannibal spoke to me, Alana is a headache.


	15. XV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecilia strikes back!  
> Will does a little cameo xD

When I finish reading her notebook, I ask: “You wrote it when he died?”  
She answers quickly: “When they told me. Honestly, I don´t express myself like that, doctor Lecter, but I was in a different sake. I don´t know. I brought you my diary for you could help me”

I blink and stretch my legs. ”I really appreciate this act of trust, Cecilia, it´s just that I prefer, as I psychiatrist, to talk with the patient, but this notebook will come in handy” I smile.  
“Thanks, doctor”

It´s 7 when I´ve read the 75 pages of hurried up letters and resentments. At the end of the diary, it says: “I know that it was you, Hannibal. If you don´t want me to speak with the police, you´ll do whatever I want. Call me at the 555-66-78 when you read this. Bye”

I laugh about it for a good while. I store the diary inside my desk. There´s a knock at my door.  
I give permission to come in.

It´s Will.


	16. XVI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will keeps dreaming on.

I send a message to my mom to know how she´s doing, but a half an hour pass, and my cellphone looks the same.  
I turn on the shower and take a shower. Dogs are sleeping. I relax. I think.  
I´ll talk to Alana. To Hannibal. I´ll quit my job. I´ll buy a cheap piano. I´ll adopt a child. I don´t know.  
I´ll go out with Hannibal the next Saturday. He wants to walk down the plazas. Really, taking a shower with a   
broken arm is really obnoxious, damn. Who was the one that hit me with his car? Damn you. When I get dressed someone knocks my door, it´s Alana.  
Alana hugs me without talking to me and Thor barks, I see the dog and I don´t pay attention to her hand or her purse. I see them when I´m on the floor. Stumbling, I cover up my new wound that comes from my abdomen. Alana stabbed me when she ended the embrace and crying, stabs me several times with a sharp butcher knife.

And how I can´t scream, this is a good murder, it seems.

When there isn´t a sixth stab, she says to me: ”I´m sorry, Will” And she cries now more than ever. If you suffer that badly, why do you do it? Why? Don´t you love me anymore?  
Salvador pushes her away, he comes closer and whispers: “Stupid mute, you piece of damn shit”

When I wake up, I cough. Hannibal hugs me and says:

“The next time that you take a shower, don´t fall asleep or pass out inside the bathtub, please”


	17. XVII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wine, sweet wine.

The private investigator´s reports come today.  
Today I´ll know who did that William. I hired the investigator the last week. I know that it wasn´t an accident, I know.  
When Jean Claude has gone, I read the papers.  
It was Salvador.

I want to tell it to Will. I want to see how he´ll react. Since I know Will there´s more excitement in my life, my psychologist has told me so. I tell her that Will has terrible dreams and that I feel powerless whenever I can´t help him.  
Thank god it´s Saturday, there´s no patients. I´ll think about Cecilia tomorrow, I don´t believe that she´s going to do something grave.  
The sweet afternoon fills up the windows with its acid sun while I wash the bloody silverware and I remember that I made a rendezvous with William to go out this evening. By the way, Will is very thin, he hasn´t eaten, today I´ll take him to eat Italian food, and, now that I think about it, days ago Will confessed me that, having 29 years old, he hasn´t tasted the wine.

“Really?” I asked him.  
“Really, I´ve just drank beer. Ah, and champagne 5 times, that´s it” He writes down his notebook, when we take the bus.  
“And wine?”  
“No, it has never been offered to me nor I´ve tasted it. I just know that it´s made of grapes” When I finish reading it, I see his eyes wide open.

Anyway, I owe him a dinner. Last week, we eat pizza, and he pays.  
When I knock his door, William doesn´t answer. I knock 7 times, and I do know that he´s inside, because there´s light within his house. Why don´t you answer?  
I rotate around the house and I see the window that allows me to see his bathroom. Will is under the bathtub, under the water, his arms coming out of it.

How much time has he taken? I break the glass, and I bring him out of the water. He does not breathe. He doesn´t breathe, his body spams, he opens his blue eyes and coughs the water out to the rhythm of my slaps on his back. He was passed out. The dark circles around his eyes are so dark that he looks like a dead man.

Will calms down; he breathes deeply and hugs me. He soaks my pants with his body, and when the thrill is gone, I see Will´s neck blush. He´s notice of his nudity and stops the hug.  
He crawls backwards, opens his mouth many times, wishing to have a voice, he closes his legs shut and tries to cover himself up with his hand. He trembles.

“Will, you don´t have something I don´t have, don´t be afraid. Wait, where do you keep your towels?”  
With his free hand, he points out the closet, behind me; I grab a blue towel and hand it to him. He nods and dries up with it. His face reddens more.  
“I guess that you want to dinner at home tonight” I say soothingly to him when I stand up and offer him my hand. 

He nods strongly and takes it.

In another occasion, he´ll taste the wine.


	18. XVIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just come, you´re going to like it"
> 
> NO PUN! I SWEAR!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, dear and beloved readers! I´m very sorry for my absences these last days, I´ve been busy! Thanks for the new kudos!

Thor died today. I cried along with the dogs for a good while. I bury Thor under the garden. Whenever I can I will buy a tombstone.  
Unlike Salvador, Thor died of a heart attack. Salvador was found days ago mutilated on the highway; Alana has not searched for me anymore, that´s why, I´ve lost my job, I have a month without playing the piano. It might be the chance that I could be teaching piano lessons. But I don´t think that they accept mute people.

With everything that has happened, I´ve lost interest in Alana´s affair with Salvador. I don´t mind knowing, I let it die. But who would mutilate a guy like him? And like that? Talking about that, I believe that the serial killer is roaming free.  
But, it doesn´t seems like his M.O. And the Chesapeake Ripper does not mutilate leaving a mess, I know, I´ve seen it on television and on the papers. I told that to Hannibal one time he visited me at my house, and he just said:

“You´re right”

“Yes, definitely, it was a hate crime” I nod when I give the written answer.  
When Thor has more than a week dead, Hannibal took me to an orchestra to become part of it.  
When I play the piano I´m in. Now I can buy that tombstone.

Hannibal does know that I owe him too much, but he never reminds it to me, he´s just glad to read my thank yous.

Thank you, Hannibal. For everything.

He says that I am his only friend, and that I always make a good company. Truly, he´s mine. He turned thoughtfull when he knew that I wasn´t playing the piano anymore. He says to me:  
“And how do you amuse yourself?”  
“I read, internet, watch television” I answer him with my cellphone.

“You do know that you can come to my house, Will, we can talk, watch some movies or walk around” He says to me and pets my hair.  
“Hannibal, you know I can´t go everyday”  
“Why not?  
“I´m ashamed, Hannibal”  
“Come to my house tomorrow”  
“Why?”

“Just come, You´re going to like it” He assures me.


	19. XIX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cecilia!

“I´m sorry… I´m so s-sorry, doctor” Cecilia cries immensely at me hanging of her hands from the ceiling of her house´s basement. I have my plastic suit on to do this right, professional.  
“You should have thought about it before you threating me Cecilia” I say to her while I´m eating “chicken” soup.

“I´m sorry! I won´t tell anyone. I swear, doctor!” She cries strongly hiccupping away, she cries without shame, with a red face, twisting around. She knows I am going to kill her.  
She shouts and shouts.  
“Be a dear and make silence, Cecilia. I´m eating”

The doorbell rings.  
“Be quiet, Cecilia, at least you want it to be as harmful as possible, shut it” I say seriously.  
The doorbell rings again.  
“Help! Help!”  
“Cecilia, I don´t like to repeat myself”  
“Please, let me go!”  
“No, you´ll be a stew. Accept it”  
She cries some more, and there´s a ring again.

“My dear, do you know who Bruce Lee is?”  
“Ah?”  
“Have you heard of Bruce Lee?” I say while I finish the soup.  
“Ah… I believe… Wasn´t he Japanese?”

“Don´t be an ignorant, Cecilia, he was Chinese”  
“And what does he have to do with me?” She says crying.  
“That he learnt to not be afraid of death. You should embrace death, because it´s coming for you, Cecilia”  
“Fuck you. I don´t care if you´re going to kill me or not, anymore”

“Oh, Cecilia…”  
Red rivers come out from her belly. And she cries harder.

“Sure you don´t care?”


	20. XX

I knock at his door twice and Hannibal appears and says:  
“Happy birthday, Will” And hugs me.  
“Come in”

When we are at the table I say to him by the cellphone:  
“The stew is very good, thanks Hannibal”  
“You´re welcome, Hannibal, eat whatever you like” He smiles at me. I drink some wine, too.  
When we finish, he says to me:  
“Thank you for coming. Let´s go the surprise lies in my bedroom, follow me”  
I open the door and…  
I can´t believe it.

It´s a grand piano!

“It was from my friend Jack. I told him about you and he gave it to me, he doesn´t know how to play it. Enjoy it!”  
I turn around and hug him. I cry when I touch the piano.

Hannibal hugs me and says:  
“It´s yours, someday we´ll move t to your house, if you like” I deny him with my head. I want to play here.  
I raise my left eyebrow at him and I point to the piano.  
“Of course, Will, you don´t have to ask for permission, it´s yours”

And I play Wagner, excited.

“I´ll go to make dinner and to arrange some papers. I leave you to play” And he closes the door.

Well, it seems I´ll have to sleep here, just like Hannibal said. The dogs have enough food, so, yes, I guess I´ll have to stay.


	21. XXI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack wants to break free.

When I finish arranging everything I go up to see Will. He was asleep on the room´s couch, so I help him out, I put him under a blanket and I guess I´ll have to eat alone this time. That´s fine. Will must be exhausted.

I haven´t told him about Salvador yet. That Salvador tried to kill him to get away with Alana, because Alana was sorry for Will. That I mutilated him for hate. I didn´t even eat him. I don´t eat rotten meat.

I know that Alana left the State, and that she never came back. I haven´t told him that I´m the Ripper. I´m afraid of scaring him or giving him a heart attack, I haven´t told him that today´s stew was Cecilia Reefer nor told him that she was Marcus Reefer´s daughter, my latest murder. I don´t want to lose him. As simple as that.

Jack says that he knows how much time he has left to live. It must be curious or even exhausting to know how much time you have left. If there´s something that I can admire from Jack is that he doesn´t mortify himself when he says it, he talks about it like it was weather, just like that, of course, that doesn´t mean that he doesn´t suffer.  
“Hannibal, my wife knows it. But she didn´t leave me. We don´t make love anymore, we just hug each other and cry” He says drinking whisky sat at my office that day.

Jack does know how to make me feel good. Powerful. More than useful.

“And what about your cousin?” I say looking down the empty glass.  
“She moved to Lisbon. I don´t know more about her. You know what´s funny? How people disappear. She did it so easy. You know? She could have left before and I wouldn´t have noticed, but know she gave me aids, I remember her every time I look myself on the mirror”

“Break the mirror”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! =)
> 
> By the way, I´m very sorry for the late updates, it´s just that I´m busy right now, but I´m trying to write as fast as I can!  
> Remember, comments are welcome!


	22. XXII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

I wake up with a tremendous pain over my neck, but even so, I don´t up my eyes. When I have slept on couches? What happened yesterday?

Ah. Hannibal.  
Hannibal and the grand piano.  
God… I drooled all over the pillow. Good God.

And when did get under the duvet? When did I stop being cold?  
I open up my eyes. I take the sleep out of my eyes and try to get the drool off with my shirt´s sleeves. God.  
The sunshine touches the green duvet. Thank you, Hannibal.  
“Good morning, Will” he dedicates to me from a note on the night table. Sharp letters made of ink.  
“I´ll be downstairs, food´s ready, be free to use the bathroom whenever you please, Will. Always, Hannibal”

When I go down, we eat chickpea soup, due to its 2 of the afternoon. Yes. I slept too much because I haven´t had the time to do it before. Doctor Lecter says that I must take it easy, that that was the idea. Come to his place to rest.  
When we are beside the piano, I excuse myself with my hands, I look for Hannibal´s letter, I turn it around and with a pencil that the doctor had around, I write to him:  
“Thank you very much, Hannibal. Truly. I have had forgotten to say it to you” And I deliver it to him.

And Hannibal hugs me.


	23. XXIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sweet, sweet, sweet  
> Would you taste it?"
> 
> Taste it- INXS

And when the hugs lasts more than necessary, Will, with his hands over my back, touches me 2 times. I guess he wants me to set him free.  
When I release him I say to him: “There´s nothing to be grateful for, William. Just enjoy today with me”

And Will sees me with his eyes wide open and fades away to play the piano.  
The complexity of a song is intangible, but his hands express a deep confusion. You can reach out the wish of surviving in the song.  
Will focus to not mess up.  
I rise cautiously; I hide behind his back, he doesn´t notice. I open my mouth.

I move the neck of his shirt away to the left, “The swan lake” stops and I bite down.  
I bite his round shoulder like there was no tomorrow. Will suffers a sudden spasm it seems.

He looks at me.

“I´m still hungry” I whispered.

I´ve always tried to avoid discussions. Fighting with someone causes me nausea, but Will, seeing him like that, without covers to embrace him, causes me… a spiky pleasure on my skin.  
Will does not stop me. He just watches.

“Are you nervous?”  
He denies with his head.  
“Is it your first time?”  
Neither.  
“Do you want this?”  
He kisses me.

How could Alana forsake this?  
It´s precious.

Everything.

Even when he closes his eyes due to the pain.  
Even when he looks at me when I put him between my legs.  
Even when he swallows something more than his words.

Will seems to be mechanic, but, he kisses me. He kisses me a lot like if he tried to say something to me.  
We find hard to breathe, I know that.  
But what did I lose?  
What is he not saying to me?

So I bite a nipple and he grabs my hair with strength and I watch his eyes close, but he laughs.  
Ah… He likes to be bitten.  
Such a shame that I didn´t see when I bit down his neck.  
His face must have been…

My teeth are chasing his neck.  
His chin.  
His right ear.  
His just bitten elbow.  
His lower lip.

And it´s over.

When we are catching reality back, I dare to ask him:  
“Will, why didn´t you want to see me?” The whisper runs along his left earlobe.

He turns around and cries slowly.

And I lose everything there.  
My head explodes.  
I scream for the pain.  
The pain is… impossible.  
I fall out the bed.  
This is not a stroke. My chest doesn´t hurt.  
My temples burn.

And there, convulsing on the floor, Will shoots his blue gaze onto me, and says:

“Auf wiedersehen”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go.  
> You thought he was all quiet and messed up for a reason?
> 
> To be continued! xD
> 
> (PLEASE, do try to be patient with me, I´ll update soon)


	24. XXIV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This is the end,  
> My only friend,  
> the end"
> 
> This is the end - The Doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention this:  
> The Swan Lake by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky  
> XD

When I arrive to the doctor Jean Claude´s place, Jean Claude and I lay Hannibal down on the same couch as always.  
“How long did he take this time?” The doctor asks to me.  
“Almost a year, doctor” I say sadly.  
Hannibal seems to be placid, but when he wakes up he should be freaked out.

“Doctor, do you have a tape recorder?” I scratch my head.  
“Of course, Agent Graham” He passes it to me.  
“I need to be alone with him, doctor”  
“Sure, Agent, if anything comes up just let me know”  
“Alright, that will be all, thank you”

I had to wait an hour for him to wake up. How many times will be he going through this?  
“Will” He groans slightly.  
I look at him.  
How long have I loved him? Since when have I become a corrupt policeman?  
“Will… What happened?” He blinks several times, trying to see me better.  
“Don´t, Hannibal, I don´t want you to talk” I said hurt and upset.

“Since when can you speak?” He rubs his neck.  
“Since the moment I got out from my mother´s womb, Hannibal, and let me tell you something, this one, has been the most interesting one of all your fictions” I say very seriously.  
“But what are you talking about?”  
“You had to see me cry once for this to happen again”  
“But what---“And there the sharp pain starts again on the murderer and he screams,  
I leave him in peace until it fades away.  
All hurtful.

And all beaten.  
He looks at me with his lost eyes and confesses to me:  
“I remember everything”  
And he opens and closes his mouth so many times that it´s maddening. He drowns into a sea of words and now he knows.

“This has been the fourteenth time that the patient number 26 has suffered often psychological attacks. Recording number 46” I say to the tape recorder.  
“Will”  
“This time, I, William Graham, 29 years-old, I was mute, piano player, stubborn and attached to a woman. I had three dogs and one died. Hannibal was a psychiatrist in the police station and developed affection to me, again. He keeps suffering a great pain every time he sees me crying. He thinks that the deceased Alana Laguna was my partner”  
“Will, don´t do this” He holds my hands.  
“Do you have anything left to say before I turn off the tape recorder” I say cutting up his dialogue.  
“When was the last time I didn´t live inside a fiction of mine?” He says thoughtful.  
“11 and half months ago” And I turn off the tape recorder.

“Will”  
“Listen, we don´t have too much time left. Jean Claude is waiting outside. Hannibal, I love you, but I do know what´s happening to me because of you. Why I´m upset with you. Every time that you see me crying you go back to reality because you remember the first time I cried in front of you. Do you remember Cecilia? The autistic child you killed.  
I was there behind the curtains and I cried, after you saw me, you hid the truth so much from me that you had a psychological shock and had a breakdown. When you woke up, you believed that I was your boss and that you have had fell down in the office.   
Don´t, don´t stop listening to me, I know you love hearing this every time, you like seeing me nervous. The second time, you killed Alana, your girlfriend, and her lover Salvador within a rage attack that you had, you told me.  
We cried together and inside you house, you raped me. 

And remember, Hannibal, that Cecilia was your first case and that you only had to see me cry for you to come back. Do you follow me?” I say rushing out.  
He nods.  
“Good. I know that I matter to you and I know that in all your fictions you describe me like a present , and you write them down in the register” I pull out a black notebook.  
“That you name “diary”, so fondly” I put the notebook down.  
“Marcus Reefer and Cecilia Reefer died due to your cannibal vanity. Alana and Salvador died because of your vengeance. Yes, Salvador have might tried to hit you with his car, but it wasn´t so shocking for you to put it down inside your colorful fiction that it was me instead. You lived your fictions out inside my house´s basement. You made Jack out”  
I breathe deeply. I look for some wine in Jean Claude´s fridge and drink it down.

“I fed you, and watched you suffer all by yourself. You know? No one asked for you. You´re a dead man.   
Do you remember the first time I drank wine?”  
And Hannibal just looks at me with attention. I swallow.

“Yes, me neither” I lied.

“And you saying that Jean Claude was a private investigator, it truly impressed me. You know what´s obnoxious? Editing your diary out, Hannibal. Editing it for them to not find out you´re the Chesapeake Ripper. You always describe the blood and the meat in such ways, that, I don´t know, it causes me so much elation for me to stand it, and I wank off” I laugh. And laugh some more. I look at Hannibal and he watches me with his apprehensive eyes. Proud of living such fantasies, proud of me. Poor Jack, he must have felt so much shame for me when he heard my description

“Yes, Hannibal. I enjoy it. Every time that this happens to you. Every time you forget about me and create a good character for me to play inside your head. Oh, Hannibal nobody knows this” I whisper to his ear and lick it, because he does not move, he just breathes and blinks.  
“I can´t wait Hannibal, and that´s the truth, because I---“  
“Love you more each day that passes” He finishes.  
But with endearment.  
As I always do.

“Hannibal, you know you remember” He nods.  
“Remember. The hit that gave you Salvador´s car left you that effect. That endless loop. And I must guess that all your stories we must appear as a constant. Jack and his family would be the variables within the equation.   
I change your diary for another exact one every time you have a breakdown, I´d learn to act, to deform into you, to be yours” I answer to him quietly, to Hannibal, the man that has changed his sexuality for me.  
“And allow me to say that you´re a good job, love, because I always know you well, you always bring out my childhood at a level exposure, unbearable to me. But my details, Hannibal, aren´t always the same ones?”

With his mouth open, he nods. He remembers, I know.  
“Let me tell you, you have a rich voice, my friend. But, Jean Claude, how does he do this? Is he always going to agree?” He says curious.

“I pay him very well for his silence, it´s just that he doesn´t know that you´re the Ripper, he only does know that you suffer amnesia attacks, schizophrenia and several paranoia” I say to him lowering my eyes.  
Hannibal approaches me and kisses my forehead.

“Everything you do for me and everything I suffer, are worth for me” And that was the fourteenth time that Hannibal cried for me.  
I can´t say anything to him. I never can. Now, I am mute.

“When it will begin again?” He says desperate.  
“I don´t know, lieben, I don´t know” And I cry too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All this is inspired by Trance.  
> That movie made me cry of excitement. IT IS SO DAMN GOOD, THANK YOU BOYLE!!  
> And James McAvoy, DAMN YOU, AND YOUR SEXYNESS, GOD!
> 
> Thank you so much for the kudos, and reading this all along! Kisses!


End file.
